ONE YEAR HAS PASSED

One year from the death of my mother, Martha. One whole year. Quite a year. And I had it in me to hold her in my heart for this first year--- to remember her always....

And on her anniversary, we had Memorial Mass at St Richard's--- I was the Lector and Jack was one of the Eucharistic Ministers. In the afternoon Carl & Melissa had their Housewarming. All in all a good day.

And now the year is past, and I am absolved of that responsibility. Of course she is still in my heart and I still think of her. But it's not the same and I feel enormous relief.

REMEMBERING AND GOING ON

Today, the 20th, is the 5th month anniversary of Mom's passing away. Not a landmark--next month, being the 6th month, will be somewhat, but not now. Last night while trying to get to sleep I remembered her--- especially the last few months, which were VERY difficult, for her, for me, for us all. I could never want her back, but I miss her.

The most complicated and difficult relationship of my life--- to the end she remained Martha, and I was me. It was hard at times--- we didn't always see eye to eye--- and we just didn't GET each other--- but there were times, finally, of peace and quiet and LOVE, holding hands in the evening while watching TV, hugging & kissing each other good night....

So "God expects us to care for our own"--- and I didn't want to and I fought it till I just COULDN'T anymore. We took each other on, and in, shared a house and our lives for three years--- out of her ninety and my fifty four--- and it was GOOD and God blessed us, each of us, and is still blessing me.

I'm so glad that Jack came into my life well before her death, and that the two of them got to know each other, and love each other, for a time. Also grateful for all the help and support he was to both of us, sometimes mediating difficulties between us. Happy she was with us at our wedding in March 2008. She knew I would be taken care of, and have someone to take care of. I believe it gave her peace.

And I miss her!

And it's Friday, and my beloved will come home from work, and then--- IT'S THE WEEKEND!

And Life goes on.